I gotta be honest, I am not a fan.
1) It exposes big juicy target zones.
2) It is WAY too easy to dig in so hard that you either get a direction penalty or the target pops off and you fall terribly.
3) Unskilled people working a tripod often end up going for the neck, yikes.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Pinches and Probes - How Far is Too Far?
In the immortal words of cobrakaiderbycoach, one effect of the current ruleset is "free butt pinches, all bout long. all. bout long." Well, yes, but...proceed with caution or you may get an angry teapot (jokes, we know the angry teapot went the way of "booty", I for once mourn it).
Angry teapot qualifiers:
Major Misconduct: 6.16.8 The use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at a mascot, announcer, audience member, or other bout production individuals.
6.16.9 The excessive use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at an opposing skater, teammate, manager, coach, or other team support staff.
Expulsion 6.16.13 The repeated use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at a mascot, announcer, audience member, or other bout production individuals.
6.16.14 The repetitive and excessive use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at an opposing skater, teammate, manager, coach, or other support staff.
Interestingly, I believe that earlier version of the rules mentioned officials specifically in 6.16.8 and 6.16.13; perhaps this is under another umbrella and I haven't parsed it yet, although officials could be included under "bout production". Even more interestingly, there is no "no impact no penalty provision" here. Crazily, the only thing that allows for expulsion is that the action is REPEATED, not that it is "excessive", unless:
6.16.18 Serious physical violence or any action deemed by the officials to cause an extraordinary physical threat.
So this is cloudy at best especially when applied to physical actions towards an opponent. Urkel will take a stab at it.
Light slaps, smacks, pokes and pinches to the buttocks - ain't no thang.
Blocking with crotch (straddle blocking) - have at it.
Blocking to the crotch with legal zones - I have trouble picturing this, but okay. Guys, wear a cup.
Definitive crotch or breast grabs - 6.16.9.
And, lord help us, probing. Intentional targeting of precious orifices. Urkel will call this a 6.16.18 because the doorways to our bodies are precious and a mystical combination of fragile and resilient.
Angry teapot qualifiers:
Major Misconduct: 6.16.8 The use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at a mascot, announcer, audience member, or other bout production individuals.
6.16.9 The excessive use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at an opposing skater, teammate, manager, coach, or other team support staff.
Expulsion 6.16.13 The repeated use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at a mascot, announcer, audience member, or other bout production individuals.
6.16.14 The repetitive and excessive use of obscene, profane, or abusive language or gestures directed at an opposing skater, teammate, manager, coach, or other support staff.
Interestingly, I believe that earlier version of the rules mentioned officials specifically in 6.16.8 and 6.16.13; perhaps this is under another umbrella and I haven't parsed it yet, although officials could be included under "bout production". Even more interestingly, there is no "no impact no penalty provision" here. Crazily, the only thing that allows for expulsion is that the action is REPEATED, not that it is "excessive", unless:
6.16.18 Serious physical violence or any action deemed by the officials to cause an extraordinary physical threat.
So this is cloudy at best especially when applied to physical actions towards an opponent. Urkel will take a stab at it.
Light slaps, smacks, pokes and pinches to the buttocks - ain't no thang.
Blocking with crotch (straddle blocking) - have at it.
Blocking to the crotch with legal zones - I have trouble picturing this, but okay. Guys, wear a cup.
Definitive crotch or breast grabs - 6.16.9.
And, lord help us, probing. Intentional targeting of precious orifices. Urkel will call this a 6.16.18 because the doorways to our bodies are precious and a mystical combination of fragile and resilient.
Friday, September 20, 2013
The General Wuss Expulsion - there is literally no quitting allowed in roller derby
7.3.8 - With one Jammer already in the box, if the opposing team’s Jammer leaves the jam because of a decision to quit playing (e.g. sits on their team’s bench mid-jam, leaves the track area mid-jam), the jam will be whistled dead after it has been determined by the referee that the Jammer will not again be re-entering play (Section 7.3.6 and Section 7.3.7 do not apply). A new jam will be started with the penalized Jammer still in the box serving the remainder of the required penalty time, and the opposing team fielding a new Jammer. The Jammer who ends a jam by quitting is to be considered as having quit the game. That Jammer is not permitted to return to play in the bout.
Seriously. If you are being utterly slaughtered but not to the point of injury, just utter desolation, your options are to 1) return to/continue to play in the manner you see fit (just skating around outside the engagment zone is an option for jammers),
2) earn yourself a penalty and a rest, or
3) essentially be expelled.
Seriously. If you are being utterly slaughtered but not to the point of injury, just utter desolation, your options are to 1) return to/continue to play in the manner you see fit (just skating around outside the engagment zone is an option for jammers),
2) earn yourself a penalty and a rest, or
3) essentially be expelled.
Monday, September 16, 2013
What' the Point, Urkel?
Urkel's dirty little secret - I could not care less about winning. Or bouting, for that manner. Victory, meh. Attention, yuck. Give me a good clinic or scrimmage or practice any day. Meh. So what's the point, then?
The point is the process and the learning. There is a fun little thing called "flow state" which occurs when your brain is engrossed with something, it is essentially the healthiest mental state that exists. Derby has flow states up the butt, yo. Essentially no one ever gets "good", you just continue to suck but on vastly different levels. For someone who wilts from boredom, this sport is a fucking joy.
The point is the process and the learning. There is a fun little thing called "flow state" which occurs when your brain is engrossed with something, it is essentially the healthiest mental state that exists. Derby has flow states up the butt, yo. Essentially no one ever gets "good", you just continue to suck but on vastly different levels. For someone who wilts from boredom, this sport is a fucking joy.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Cheap Cheezy and Kind of Sleazy - Hide the Jammer
Okay, so I went to reference a wftda clarification and the archive is gone. GONE! I am mad, yo. So I am going to enlist some accomplices and play "hide the jammer".
3.3.2.2 The Jammer helmet cover must be on the skater’s helmet or in the skater’s hand before the jam-starting whistle. Helmet covers cannot enter a jam in progress.
3.3.2.3 A skater lined up in the Jammer Starting Position will not be considered an active Jammer unless the skater is wearing a helmet cover with visible stars.
3.3.3 An inactive Jammer has the advantage of all Jammer abilities except scoring points (Section 8 Scoring) and earning Lead Jammer status (Section 3.4 Lead Jammer).
4.2.4 Jammer Starting Position: Jammers line up on or behind the Jammer Line.
3.3.2.2 The Jammer helmet cover must be on the skater’s helmet or in the skater’s hand before the jam-starting whistle. Helmet covers cannot enter a jam in progress.
3.3.2.3 A skater lined up in the Jammer Starting Position will not be considered an active Jammer unless the skater is wearing a helmet cover with visible stars.
3.3.3 An inactive Jammer has the advantage of all Jammer abilities except scoring points (Section 8 Scoring) and earning Lead Jammer status (Section 3.4 Lead Jammer).
4.2.4 Jammer Starting Position: Jammers line up on or behind the Jammer Line.
Clutterbug
Or "how to get this document under 68 pages".
4.2.6 The pack and Jammers may begin rolling at the jam-starting whistle from the Official. Ummmmmmmm, so they got into their positions by.....not rolling.
No, they may
1) Engage other players using legal target and blocking zones within the engagement zone and not stopped or moving clockwise in a manner that causes major impact.
2) Move into a position forward of the pivot line (blockers).
3) Move into a position forward of the jammer line (jammers).
4.2.6 The pack and Jammers may begin rolling at the jam-starting whistle from the Official. Ummmmmmmm, so they got into their positions by.....not rolling.
No, they may
1) Engage other players using legal target and blocking zones within the engagement zone and not stopped or moving clockwise in a manner that causes major impact.
2) Move into a position forward of the pivot line (blockers).
3) Move into a position forward of the jammer line (jammers).
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Runaway Pussy - A Matter of Honor (Part 1)
So. It is the last jam. The REAL last jam, the period clock has expired.
You take a look at the old Carolina and see the following: Jam time remaining: 15 seconds Score, you: 191 Score, them: 187 Let's assume for giggles that the math is all right and the scoreboard has been updated with each pass (your bench coach should have a general impression of this), which is assuming a lot. I have kept score exactly once, it was in a bout (yikes), it followed a bout where I got an eval and was focused being the BEST NSO EVER. Look at me, sprinting across the track to verify penalty minutes because someone looked puzzled in the box. I'm....SUPER NSO. I was tired. And, yep, crazy close game with sharp bench coaches who were making decisions based on my math being correct. At the end of the game the jam ref sprinted over saying "please no math errors, please no math errors". There were none because...it's me yo.
But still. And I digress.
SO it is a pow-pow-powerjam NOT in your favor. Two of your blockers are in the box. Your butt is worth 4 points. The jammer is coming. You are about to lose. (And, holy heck, I just realized a GIANT duh about an earlier post, will update). You can take it like a woman.
OR YOU CAN GRAB YOUR BUDDY AND RUN. No butt, no point. No pack. Run like the wind little buddy. If the opposing blockers are smart they will chase you because they have done the math to. If not they will let you go and the pack will break. Their goes your buddy. Your butt is worth 5 points now. You skate past the box, see your teammate standing, yell DO NOT COME BACK TO THE TRACK and she is all "but I wanna HIT someone, wah".
You get an out of play major (failure to return, HA, now I get it, THAT is another reason why this is a penalty, to restrict this "strategy" to the last jam) but you can't leave the track because no butt, no point. But you are still running. You get a sustained failure to return. Maybe you get kicked out of the game on paper but whoa can't touch this. The game ends. The math checks. You win. The crowd, the refs, the opponents HATE you. What a smug bitch. What about the spirit of the game? Who do you think you are, missy, Shock Exchange in the 2012 Spring Roll? Well, no.
You take a look at the old Carolina and see the following: Jam time remaining: 15 seconds Score, you: 191 Score, them: 187 Let's assume for giggles that the math is all right and the scoreboard has been updated with each pass (your bench coach should have a general impression of this), which is assuming a lot. I have kept score exactly once, it was in a bout (yikes), it followed a bout where I got an eval and was focused being the BEST NSO EVER. Look at me, sprinting across the track to verify penalty minutes because someone looked puzzled in the box. I'm....SUPER NSO. I was tired. And, yep, crazy close game with sharp bench coaches who were making decisions based on my math being correct. At the end of the game the jam ref sprinted over saying "please no math errors, please no math errors". There were none because...it's me yo.
But still. And I digress.
SO it is a pow-pow-powerjam NOT in your favor. Two of your blockers are in the box. Your butt is worth 4 points. The jammer is coming. You are about to lose. (And, holy heck, I just realized a GIANT duh about an earlier post, will update). You can take it like a woman.
OR YOU CAN GRAB YOUR BUDDY AND RUN. No butt, no point. No pack. Run like the wind little buddy. If the opposing blockers are smart they will chase you because they have done the math to. If not they will let you go and the pack will break. Their goes your buddy. Your butt is worth 5 points now. You skate past the box, see your teammate standing, yell DO NOT COME BACK TO THE TRACK and she is all "but I wanna HIT someone, wah".
You get an out of play major (failure to return, HA, now I get it, THAT is another reason why this is a penalty, to restrict this "strategy" to the last jam) but you can't leave the track because no butt, no point. But you are still running. You get a sustained failure to return. Maybe you get kicked out of the game on paper but whoa can't touch this. The game ends. The math checks. You win. The crowd, the refs, the opponents HATE you. What a smug bitch. What about the spirit of the game? Who do you think you are, missy, Shock Exchange in the 2012 Spring Roll? Well, no.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
6.9.3 or "awwww, hellz no"
Skaters are permitted to skate clockwise on the track provided they do not block, assist, or otherwise engage teammates or opponents.
A big, big concept that we (and most teams I am sure) are hammering home this year is "closing the door" on blockers who knock a jammer out and are coming back to attempt to pull a cut/re-engage. Essentially if you are skating or stepping in the clockwise direction, however slowly, and she is skating back, the consequences of contact between legal zones are entirely on her. So if she is effective (causing impact that meets the old minor definition), she is boxed, your jammer is free from her reign of terror, birds sing, etc. If she is ineffective, well, she doesn't get to pull that cut as much as she wants and is now hung up on your boobs. YAY!
Here is what happened twice in the last week though. The blocker f'ing motored back at me at a speed that was frankly somewhat terrifying. I was like "awww, hell no" and just let her go. For one thing, at the required reaction speed I could be considered the initiator of the block (which means that if she flattened me I just sort of would be flat). For another, not worth it for a scrimmage.
A big, big concept that we (and most teams I am sure) are hammering home this year is "closing the door" on blockers who knock a jammer out and are coming back to attempt to pull a cut/re-engage. Essentially if you are skating or stepping in the clockwise direction, however slowly, and she is skating back, the consequences of contact between legal zones are entirely on her. So if she is effective (causing impact that meets the old minor definition), she is boxed, your jammer is free from her reign of terror, birds sing, etc. If she is ineffective, well, she doesn't get to pull that cut as much as she wants and is now hung up on your boobs. YAY!
Here is what happened twice in the last week though. The blocker f'ing motored back at me at a speed that was frankly somewhat terrifying. I was like "awww, hell no" and just let her go. For one thing, at the required reaction speed I could be considered the initiator of the block (which means that if she flattened me I just sort of would be flat). For another, not worth it for a scrimmage.
OJ coming out of the box - don't blow your load
Every jam ref has had this happen. His jammer ends the jam in the box. He flashes points to his scorekeeper, who is she knows what she is doing is looking at him. Maybe she isn't. But in any case the bench coach for the other team has a fit. Veins bulge from the forehead. "SHE WAS IN THE BOX HOW THE F*CK DID SHE GET POINTS. RAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR."
And said bench coach proceeds to tell the world about how the refs at *fill in the blank here* league suck. Whomp, whomp, whomp. Haters gonna hate, yo. Whatevs.
But even sane, informed bench coaches often don't get opposing jammer penalties quite right. Most decent ones do track whether the OJ was on her first pass when she went to the box. So, if they choose not to ice her, they don't have their jammer even consider calling it until she completes her first pass. This is great!
And said bench coach proceeds to tell the world about how the refs at *fill in the blank here* league suck. Whomp, whomp, whomp. Haters gonna hate, yo. Whatevs.
But even sane, informed bench coaches often don't get opposing jammer penalties quite right. Most decent ones do track whether the OJ was on her first pass when she went to the box. So, if they choose not to ice her, they don't have their jammer even consider calling it until she completes her first pass. This is great!
6.10.12, or "punished for being totally ineffective"
If the out-of-play action has a measurable consequence for the game it is a major penalty.
6.10.12 A skater who, after being warned, does not immediately attempt to return to the Engagement Zone. A major penalty must be applied to each offending Blocker who does not attempt to return to the Engagement Zone
This penalty is on my mind because 1) it is actually the first bout penalty I ever received and I had quite the streak going (5 bouts no penalty minutes) 2) I am seeing it given out a lot lately, and 3) I don't understand why it is a penalty. Except that 4) I think that I totally do and it is sort of like sodomy laws.
6.10.12 A skater who, after being warned, does not immediately attempt to return to the Engagement Zone. A major penalty must be applied to each offending Blocker who does not attempt to return to the Engagement Zone
This penalty is on my mind because 1) it is actually the first bout penalty I ever received and I had quite the streak going (5 bouts no penalty minutes) 2) I am seeing it given out a lot lately, and 3) I don't understand why it is a penalty. Except that 4) I think that I totally do and it is sort of like sodomy laws.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
This again - seriously?
At scrimmage last night a rare unicorn was spotted. That is right, the knee start is back, baby. Or at least it made an appearance. Working a new strategy we have yet to even remotely get down, my line-up started on the pivot line (remember that?). When suddenly, both before and after the whistle blew, the opposing blockers slid to their knees around us. Um, okay.
The no pack was never called, perhaps because timing was off, plus immediate reformation means that the pack would be established before (both, by the way, making this "strategy" even more puzzling) jammers could reach the area, so this strategy had zero to negative success. However I need to wonder now if this might be deployed in a very, very limited way at the lower levels of play. Ugh.
Good news? A counter is easy. The only time this is even remotely anything that might work is in a power jam in the initiating team's favor, and then only at the jam line. Could the jammer pop through as her blockers are rising from their one knee (mandated by the rules, no initial jam start positions preventig immediate reformation are allowed)? Theoretically, yes.
However the counter is super easy and even sets the countering blockers up mentally for the correct strategy which is a bonus. Have one blocker stay back and the other 3 (hopefully 3) move forward, oh, about 7 feet. Pack will exist by the time the jammer gets through, bonus, you already have your first bridge mentally and physically prepared. Sweet. Heck, maybe even put a jammer killer back there while you are at it if you are feeling fancy. Which is why no decent team is using the knee starts. Plus we skate now and shit. Kuh-razy.
The no pack was never called, perhaps because timing was off, plus immediate reformation means that the pack would be established before (both, by the way, making this "strategy" even more puzzling) jammers could reach the area, so this strategy had zero to negative success. However I need to wonder now if this might be deployed in a very, very limited way at the lower levels of play. Ugh.
Good news? A counter is easy. The only time this is even remotely anything that might work is in a power jam in the initiating team's favor, and then only at the jam line. Could the jammer pop through as her blockers are rising from their one knee (mandated by the rules, no initial jam start positions preventig immediate reformation are allowed)? Theoretically, yes.
However the counter is super easy and even sets the countering blockers up mentally for the correct strategy which is a bonus. Have one blocker stay back and the other 3 (hopefully 3) move forward, oh, about 7 feet. Pack will exist by the time the jammer gets through, bonus, you already have your first bridge mentally and physically prepared. Sweet. Heck, maybe even put a jammer killer back there while you are at it if you are feeling fancy. Which is why no decent team is using the knee starts. Plus we skate now and shit. Kuh-razy.
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